Self-Esteem: An Essential Positive Identity Asset-Asset 38

Self-Esteem: An Essential Positive Identity Asset

A person’s self-esteem is their overall sense of value or self-worth. Self-esteem is gained through the way a person is treated and valued in their formative years. Parents play the most important role in helping their children develop a strong, positive and lasting sense of personal worth or self-esteem. Parents do this by setting a good example and showing the child, through their own behavior, how a person with good self-esteem acts and interacts with others. Parents also do this by being affirmative, supportive and giving important positive feedback to the child.

Being critical, negative, calling names and hitting a child deter from a positive sense of self-worth. Parents often feel that these negative reactions to their child are for the child’s own good; not realizing that during the formative years children take such information as descriptions or definitions of who they are. When a parent repeatedly tells a child, “You are a bad boy.” The child doesn’t think, “Dad doesn’t mean that. He’s just trying to make me good.” A child’s mind is much more literal than that. They come to believe that they are bad, particularly in the absence of consistent positive messages about them. They then tend to become the definitions that adults put on them. We want to avoid that in every way possible.

Some of the other things a parent can do to enhance self-esteem in their children are:
• People with a positive sense of self-esteem take good care of themselves and express a healthy sense of self-love and respect. Consistently model this for your child and other children.
• Accept and appreciate children as individuals. Be patient, kind and supportive as your children learn and grow at their own rate.
• Learn about developmental stages of life so as to not be unrealistic in your expectations of your child. Learn what the stages of growth and learning are and at what ages children learn about such things as self-control, moral awareness, sensitivity to others’ needs, etc.
• Do things with children, not just for them. Although children love getting presents, the best gift you can give them is your time and attention. This behavior show them they are a priority in your life and that you sincerely care.
• Show your concern for all children by what you do as well as by what you say. For example, make eye contact with them when you talk to them. Smile. Take time to ask about their life and their interests. Learn how to use affirmations and be affirmative, complimentary and supportive in your interactions with them. Give them your full attention and let them know you care. For a strong sense of community, safety and security, this is important for all children with whom you come in contact.
• If a child does something wrong or inappropriate, focus on the behavior, not on the child. Remember that a child’s self-esteem is still forming and is fragile. Handle it with care and love. Don’t say, “You’re so irresponsible!” Instead say something like, “That’s not like you to do something irresponsible. Let’s talk about it and see if we can use this to learn something.”

These are just a few ways you can ensure that you are a source of positive self-esteem for the children in your life. If you would like more on this subject, please call or email me. Remember the words of the old song, “Accentuate the Positive. Eliminate the Negative. And don’t mess with Mr. In-Between.”