Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Creative Activities-Constructive Use of Time-Asset 17

Creative Activities

The first of the “Constructive Use of Time” assets, creative activities are fostered when parents invest their energy into making sure their children are exposed to music, art, dance and other activities that are creative in nature. As they mature, these children begin to participate in and appreciate these creative activities on their own.

Sound is one experience a child starts to have while still in the womb, therefore playing pleasant and soothing music and singing to your child while pregnant is a great idea. This same music and songs will be particularly important once your baby is born since it will be familiar and soothing for them to experience following their first major life transition. If a child’s environment is rich in a variety of types of music from birth to adulthood, they will naturally learn an appreciation for it and may even be inspired to make music themselves.

Similarly, and a somewhat natural extension from an appreciation for music, comes an appreciation for movement and dance. Dance to the music you play while pregnant. And at every opportunity thereafter, dance with your child and teach them the joys of experiencing their bodies through movement. Children at a very early age, even before they can walk, start to respond physically to the beat of music. Create lots of opportunities for this wonderful experience. Once your child is old enough, support their interest in dance and natural expression through movement. If they show an interest in formal training in the dance style of their choice, do everything you can to support and encourage that interest. Other types of movement-based arts your child may feel attracted to are the martial arts and/or movement meditation forms such as tai chi or chi gong. Your support for these interests would also be important and empowering.

Showing support for a child’s creative efforts, regardless of what they are, is extremely important and most parents do this quite naturally and proudly. This shows up in most household as refrigerators and walls covered with a child’s art, regardless if it’s the scribbling of a toddler or the oil painting for a senior high student. This can be taken a step further if parents support their child’s creations being displayed at school or at the local library. Some parents go so far as to enlist the support of local businesses in sponsoring a child’s art exhibit in their buildings.

Parents and adults, who involve themselves in creative activities and include children whenever possible, greatly contribute to the appreciation of creativity in general. Keeping a variety of art supplies around or creating ongoing projects which children can be part of also departs an important message and community norm that says creative activities are valued as an important part of daily life.

Coming up with other ways to empower children in your life with creative activities is a creative activity in and of itself and a great way to contribute this valuable asset to your community. If you have questions or would like more on this subject, please email me or call me.

Appropriate Expectations for Growth-Asset 16

Appropriate Expectations for Personal Growth

Parents and other adults would want to invest in this developmental asset for children have realistic expectations for the growth and development of the child and don’t push beyond the child’s own pace. Adults support and encourage children to do their best and to develop their gifts and talents.

To a large extent, this asset is gained by parents and other close adults learning and understanding developmental stages and milestones that have been determined by psychologist and early childhood development specialists. It is important, whether or not you know about normal developmental stages, to allow children to develop at their own pace. Individual differences are great in the early years of life. Be patient and let children do things when they’re ready. Talk to the experts (your pediatrician, an elementary or early childhood teacher) if you feel your child is developing at a different rate than other children with whom you are familiar.

Remind yourself that a child is a whole person, with strengths and weaknesses. Don’t label a child based on perceived weaknesses or limitations. For instance, if your child doesn’t start to talk when you expect him or her to do so, don’t label them “slow.” If your child stutters, never call them a stutterer. On the other hand, do consult with a specialist or your pediatrician for advice on who to go to and how to handle the situation.

Always pay attention to what children like and/or express interest in. Following and supporting these interests helps them grow in the directions that they are inclined towards by their very nature. Give them plenty of opportunities to experience and explore new and different things.

Parents should also be aware that routines and daily rituals help children to feel safe, protected and free to explore. Children who aren’t worried about when they’ll eat or sleep can concentrate on learning new skills and activities. Also, mastering a new skill can take time, so be patient and understand that setbacks do happen and are part of the normal process of mastering any skill. Use setbacks as opportunities to teach the child that there are lessons to be learned by these experiences that can aid them in the eventual mastery of the skill. Teach them that there is no such thing as failure, only feedback and outcomes that will aid their next attempts. These times can also be valuable opportunities to ask the child to compare where they are today in the growth process as compared to where they were when they first started to learn the skill they are working on.

Also, as is almost always the case, children can learn about setting appropriate expectations for growth by you modeling this behavior yourself. Let your child know about a goal or dream you are striving for and then let them in on your experiences in achieving the goal.

Any questions? Feel free to let me know via email or phone. Remember aiming high is the best way to get where you want to be!

Positive Peer Interaction and Influence-Asset 15

Positive Peer Interaction and Influence

This developmental asset is available when children spent time observing and playing with children of varying ages. As children grow, they spend time with friends who act in responsible ways and are a positive influence on them.

Parents and adults who invest in this asset for the children in their lives pay attention to how the people in the child’s life interact and behave. They are conscious of what children are exposed to in terms of the choices, behaviors and attitudes of the people in their environment, both adults and other children. These parents, in a sense, are asking themselves, “What are the children learning from interacting with these people?”

Parents also take a proactive approach to finding ways for children of all ages to be together and have fun. They do what they can to facilitate interactions like a teenager holding and rocking a baby, or an older child might be given the opportunity to play a game with or read to younger children.

With infants, it is important that they are allowed to be around other infants even though they are not able to play together. Toddlers often want to play alone, even when they are around other children. Parents should allow them to do so but to also be near other toddlers so the process of learning to interact can take place under the watchful eyes of adult caretakers who can teach and correct behavior in a gently manner.

With preschool children, it is very helpful for adults to find playtime projects and activities that teach them how to cooperate. When differences arise, adults can step in and use that situation as an opportunity to teach appropriate behaviors. Parents are cautioned not to panic if their preschooler says things like, “I hate you” or “You’re not my friend anymore” to a playmate. It is part of the child learning to express their feelings and the fact is they often make up quickly and easily from such episodes.

With children of elementary-age and older, parents should give them greater and greater independence around interacting with peers but check on them enough to make sure they are safe. If children argue or disagree with one another, give them time and space to find their own solutions. Step in and help only if you are concerned with the children’s safety. Talk to children after they play with friends, talk to them and ask how they liked their time together, what they liked best, what they didn’t like. Use this as an opportunity to discuss and teach them about friendship and ways to communicate. Find out what they are learning and experiencing in terms of the rules and values their peers seem to hold and believe in. Talk to them about problems and how to deal with them, particularly about problems like bullying and peers that want to engage in risky or inappropriate behaviors. Be sure to let them know that you support their relationships with other children that show respect and value for them as people.

If you have any questions or would like more information about this or any of the assets covered in this column, please call or email me. Remember, accentuate the positive!

Adult Role Models-Asset 14

Adult Role Models

Children learn how to act and interact with others by watching, imitating and modeling their parents, caregivers and other adults. Adults need to be conscious that they are setting examples for children and make sure they are setting a good example. Modeling is much more powerful in determining the behavior of children than attempts to teach using words.

Parents who are positive role models lead positive lives and have positive outlooks. Such parents have a sense of purpose and are able to make personal goals and dreams become reality. Parents who don’t feel they meet this description in their approach to life need to begin to work towards developing their own self-esteem and the skills needed to set realistic goals and then achieve them. Parents who model a sense of purpose are also investing one of the developmental assets for their children, namely “Sense of Purpose in Children,” which we covered in this column some time ago. If you email me, I will send you a copy of that article.

Nurture the relationships children already have with extended family members, teachers, ministers, friends and neighbors who are solid and positive role models. Let these people know how much you value them and appreciate the role modeling they do.

Also, support your child’s interests in positive role models from the world of sports, music, movies or television. Talk to your children about what you like about these people and how they live their lives. If you are watching a movie or television show, talk to your children about the characters you see. Point out positive behaviors and choices on the part of the characters in the show. Also ask questions like, “Do you think that person did the right thing? What would you choose to do if you were in that situation?” Have conversations like this frequently.

If your child wants to dress like a person they look up to, support this interest since it is a sign that they are forming a positive identity based on the positive people they admire. Talk to your child about positive role models you had as a child and what you liked about them. As your child about traits they like in other people. Remind them that if they admire something about someone it is an indication that they too have potential to develop and be like that person. Do what you can to give your child access to diversity when it comes to role models. Create opportunities for them to interact with young, old, rich, poor, single, married, silly or serious people.

Encourage your child to make bulletin boards, posters or scrapbooks about their favorite heroes. Together, visit the library and read about and research the lives of admired people in history and society. Engage in discussions about what you learn.

Even though children may display interest in movie, sports or music stars, it’s important for you to know that the real and important role models in their lives are you and the people around them. Help your child meet adults who are great and decent people who act like role models worth following!

If you any questions or want to offer any feedback or opinions, please call or email me.

Neighborhood Boundaries-Asset 13

Neighborhood Boundaries and Expectations

Neighborhood boundaries and behavioral expectations are an asset to a child when neighborhood parents and adults have permission to, feel responsible for, pay attention to, and supervise children outside their home.

To invest in this asset, parents and adults need to focus on building or strengthening another asset we covered a while back. That asset in realized when we have created a caring neighborhood where children experience being cared for and known by everyone in the neighborhood and the adults have publically committed themselves and agreed to cooperate with this intention. With a caring neighborhood in place, boundaries and behavioral expectations for our children make more sense and are more effective.

To establish these boundaries and expectations, parents and adults need first to look to their own behavior and intentionally seek to behave in ways that model the types of behaviors that are expected and accepted in the neighborhood. In addition, parents and adults should actively look for opportunities to directly teach and explain to children how to behave appropriately.

It is also important as part of this effort to acknowledge that each child in the neighborhood is unique and worthy of caring and support. Comparing children based on their behavior should be avoided. In addition, boundaries and expectations should be discussed by adults and children with the intention of developing a list of rules and limits that can be distributed throughout the neighborhood. While everyone may not agree, it is important to develop a way to discuss and resolve different opinions. Some neighborhoods have quarterly meetings for this purpose at times that are convenient for parents to gather. Trained mediators are often available in communities to help facilitate such meetings on a volunteer basis.

Other communities have involved their mayor or city commissioners in a process where a set of values and community norms were established and publicized through local news media and a campaign to promote commonly accepted boundaries and behavioral expectations. Local law enforcement officers were also invited to participate in such campaigns and in neighborhood meetings. These officers were able to communicate the importance of neighbors being willing to accept responsibility for keeping an eye out for each other and communicating about what they are observing.

Some neighborhoods create places and opportunities for parents and their children to gather and spend safe and happy time together. This could be through a church, community center or in someone’s home or yard. These situations offers opportunities for children to get the message that the neighbors care and have permission to interact with and intervene if inappropriate behavior is observed in the neighborhood when their parents are not around.

As usual, these are only a few ideas of how the asset of neighborhood boundaries and expectations can enhance the lives of each of us and our children. Be creative and take action in ways that work in your neighborhood.

Any thoughts or questions, please feel free to call or email me.

Out-of-Home Boundaries-Asset 12

Boundaries Outside Your Home

In my last article I discussed the developmental asset of having boundaries and expectations and focused specifically on family boundaries and expectations. This week I’d like to focus on the asset of your child learning and understanding appropriate boundaries and expectations for their behavior outside of you home. Typically, the settings we are talking about here are your child’s school, pre-school, childcare centers, church or Sunday school.

One of the first things a parent can do to ensure that this asset in place is to make it a point to inquire about and learn what the rules, expectations and consequences are in the settings where your child spends time. Talk to the teachers, caregivers
and other adults about the purposes or intentions of the boundaries that exist in each setting. Consider whether you feel these purposes are as they should be, i.e. to direct your child toward positive appropriate activities and away from inappropriate activities.

When assessing the boundaries, limits and expectations in these settings, check to see if you think the consequences established are appropriate for the incidents for which they are set and for the age group in question. For instance, if a pre-school child were to throw toys around the classroom or at a class mate, it would be appropriate to ask him or her to pick up the toys and to apologize to his or her classmates. It would also be appropriate to direct the child by saying, “It’s important that we play nicely with your friends. Please say you are sorry for throwing the toys.” If the child refused, then an appropriate consequence would be to take away a desirable privilege until they do. It also important to remember that with younger children retention of the rules or boundaries is going to be more limited and repetitions should be expected.

However, if a teen threw an object in class that was potentially harmful to others, the boundaries might be very similar, but the expectations, redirection and consequences of not being in control of this type of behavior would likely and appropriately involve being sent to the principal’s office, suspension, and notifying the student’s parents. As a parent, knowing the boundaries and expectations of your child ahead of time allows you to decide if you think certain consequences seems too severe and the ability to do something about it. Knowing the rules and limits also prepares you for what is to come if your child exhibits out-of-bounds behaviors.

It is also a good idea, a couple of months into the school year or into your child being in a new setting, to talk to your child about how they feel about the rules, limits, boundaries and consequences in the environment away from home. Find out if they think the boundaries and limits are too strict or too lenient without making any critical or judgment calls yourself. Discuss ways of making adjustments one way or the other. Then share their ideas with the teacher, administrators or adults in the setting outside of your home.

Again, these are just a few ideas. Hopefully they will spark other ideas or question about this asset. If questions arise, call or email me and I will be glad to assist you.

Boundaries and Expectations in the Family-Asset 11

Boundaries and Expectations in the Family

Exploring this asset may surprise you. Knowing what’s expected of them~and what’s not~helps children create, learn and grow. Instead of holding children back, limits and boundaries keep them feeling safe and secure. When they know who to count on and how to behave, children can concentrate on developing and learning new skills.

There are three areas of a child’s life where boundaries and limits are important: family boundaries, out-of-home boundaries and neighborhood boundaries. This article will focus on family boundaries and the two to follow will focus on the others.

The idea of family boundaries is best expressed as:

Parents understand children’s needs and preferences, model appropriate behavior, and set age-appropriate limits and consequences.

One of the important things to know about children and boundaries is that most children will not fully understand the concept until they are teens or pre-teens. Therefore, as children grow their boundaries and understanding of boundaries needs to grow with them in ways that are appropriate to their level of development. Be ready to revise boundaries as your child learns to make age-appropriate decision.

Some other important points here include the need to always show your child that you love them. Never withhold love as a form of discipline. When discipline is called for, use it to point your child toward good behavior and appropriate decisions. Don’t hit, spank or shake a child. This teaches inappropriate ways of controlling behavior and is only effective while the parent is around to control. It can breed inappropriate and negative behavior outside the home and teach that it’s okay to hit other people. Instead, model how you want your child to behave, solve problems and make decisions. Be focused and calm when disciplining. Remember you are the adult. If you are frustrated or angry, take a few moments to calm down. This might mean giving your self and your child a brief time-out period. When you feel calm and confident, let you child know what you observed them doing that was inappropriate, express your feelings about those observations, let them know what your needs are according to the appropriate boundaries and then make specifics requests as to what you like them to do in the future.

Learn to see these situations as opportunities to do further teaching and updating of your expectations and the limits and boundaries you want your child to be aware of. If your children are very young, you want to keep your messages simple, clear and focused on the behavior you want. Avoid focusing on or emphasizing the behaviors you don’t want. Repetition is essential to young children learning and retaining, so expect to have to repeat yourself often. Also, when directing your child to appropriate behaviors, try to offer choices, all of which would be acceptable. Always be reasonable about the nature of your boundaries and the number of them. Too many can stifle a child and make them feel powerless. Too few can make them feel out of control and lost. And finally, be willing to change boundaries that do not work.

As always, for more on this subject, feel free to contact me via email of phone. Enjoy your children and the children in your community. They are our future!

Safety-Asset 10

Children Need to Feel Safe Everywhere

For parents to invest in this empowerment asset they should understand how vitally important it is for their children to feel safe in every environment in which they spend time each day. Then parents should do everything possible to ensure their child’s safety in each of these environments.

Investment in this asset should start before your child is born. Mothers need to feel safe and secure in their lives from the start of their pregnancy. Research shows that the fetus experiences all the emotions of the mother and stressful experiences actually result in a different type of brain and nervous system development than calm, safe and secure experiences. Research also shows that children from safe and secure mothers actually show greater intelligence and emotional stability than those whose in-utero experiences are stressful.

Once blessed with the birth of a child, parents need to do all they can to communicate to the child that their world is safe and secure. This message comes through every interaction the parents have with and around their child. The way a child is held, put to bed, attended to, talk to and with and the way the environment is kept calm and secure all communicate to the child that they are safe and cared for. Child proofing the house, being sure to have safe and proven car seats, teaching siblings how to interact in gentle ways are other ways the message of safety across.

When a child becomes a toddler, parents need to be particularly vigilant because they can dash into traffic, leap from furniture or porches, knock over glasses or dishes, or swallow a small object at the blink of an eye. Parents should strive to develop new and creative childproofing strategies as their toddler figures out how to open doors with childproof latches or get out of gates on staircases. Often the pediatrician or childcare provider can be helpful with other suggestions to keep the toddler safe.

As a child gets older you need to start to talk to him/her about fears and learn what their fears are so you can do what you can to relief them and help the child become more comfortable with their feelings in general. Make sure the child knows that it is okay to express their fears and that everyone feels fear at one time or another. Also, in case of difficulty or getting lost, be sure your child knows his/her address and phone number as well as when and how to call 911.

It is also important to start teaching young children about personal boundaries and privacy, particularly when it comes to the parts of their body that are private. Make sure your child knows who should be allowed to them their private areas and always only with your child’s expressed permission. Teach them that it is important to tell a trusted adult immediately if anyone touches them in uncomfortable ways. Also, prepare the child for how to deal with strangers and give them a personal plan for handling unsafe situations.

As usual, this is only a start to keeping your child safe in all places. If you have questions, please call or email me. Always remember, prevention is best!

Service to Others-Asset 9

Children Serve Others in the Community

Investment in this empowerment asset results from both parents and children participating in service projects in the community.

Growing up in a community where it is the norm to volunteer and be involved in service projects that help others is very empowering. Doing for others goes a long ways in helping children gain access to feelings of accomplishment, worth, value and altruism. Altruism is the high human gesture of giving to and doing for others without expectation of return or reward. Altruism is its truest form is its own reward. It is the joy of giving of one’s self.

Some things parents can do to ensure their children receive the benefits of this asset in their life are:
• Parents should get involved in service projects whenever the opportunity presents itself. When children see adults in their lives helping others they are more likely to do the same themselves.
• Know that providing for your child’s needs as any loving parent would do is also teaching them the importance of helping others when they are in need.
• Create ways for your children to serve others with you. If your community is having a canned goods drive, let your children pick out things from your pantry to contribute to the drive. If your community has a Spirit of Service Day to help the elderly with yard work, let your child be involved with age-appropriate tasks, like raking leaves or weeding gardens.
• Parents can also create service projects that can be done at home that can also involve your children in simple ways. For instance, you could have your children help with a project of sewing pillow cases for a shelter. If they aren’t old enough to actually sew, they could help pick out the patterns and then fold the finished products. Parents could also cut out wooden pieces to make children’s toys. Let your child help draw the shapes and perhaps assist with painting or putting the toys together.
• Parents can make it a point to talk about and teach children how it is importance for everyone in a community to be willing to lend a helping hand because a day may well come that they will be the ones needing some help or support from the community.
• Create simple opportunities for younger children to serve others. If there is a toy drive for the holidays, let your toddler or preschooler go with you to the toy store and have them pick the toy to donate. Then let them put the toy in the toy collection box in the community.
• As children get older, let them make a list of ways they can think of to serve others. Then help them act on their ideas.
• Always thank and show great appreciation to children who do serve others. This will give them a greater sense of value and worth.
Montana communities norm already include service to other in most places. If you would like more information about this asset, contact me by mail or email.

Children Are Given Useful Roles-Asset 8

Make Sure to Give Children Useful Roles

To invest in this empowerment asset, parents should involve their children in family life in ways that fit the children’s needs and abilities. Preschool and elementary-age children should be given useful roles at home and in the community and have a voice in family decisions.

Here are some specific ideas for ensuring that your child has the benefits of this important asset in his or her life:
• Set the standard early in your child’s life that everyone can contribute to the family. Assign age-appropriate chores and tasks to you child and create and have them help with small projects. Helping and completing simple tasks and projects gives your child a real sense of accomplishment and a sense of belonging and being needed. For example, a 3-year old could bring napkins to the table. An 8-year old could wash vegetables for a salad while a 10-year old makes sandwiches. As children get older, they can help with painting around the house, reorganizing the garage, planting and tending the garden and looking after pets or animals in your care.
• Find ways for preschoolers to feel they are an important part of the family. For instance, you could buy white t-shirts and nontoxic fabric markers and help preschoolers create matching shirts for themselves and the rest of the family.
• Let your child make choices, such as occasionally deciding what the family will have for dinner or what the next family outing will involve. Let preschoolers help with planning a family event or outing.
• Find ways to put children in charge and experience a sense of leadership. For example, your child could be put in charge of planning and leading games at a birthday party or neighborhood block party. (Makes sure there are plenty of willing children and adults around to help make this successful.)
• If you have a computer with access to the Internet, use Google to search for websites developed by children for children. (Be sure to talk to your child about the rules for using the Internet safely and to have child safe filters in place to prevent viewing of inappropriate materials. You can learn more about Internet safety by going to www.nyise.org/safety.
• Ask your child to teach you things they know and have an interest in. You could ask them to show you how to do things on the computer if they have learned to use one at school. If they are swimmers, ask them to show you a stroke that you don’t know. If they are into magic, let them show you the tricks they know.

Summer is coming and it will allow many opportunities to invest in this very important empowerment asset for you child or children. If you have any questions, call or email me.

Youth Need to Feel Valued by the Community-Asset 7

Youth Need to Feel Valued by the Community

This asset is the first of what we call “the empowerment assets.” To feel safe and empowered, youth need to know that their parents and other adults in the community value and appreciate them.

One of the surest ways to invest in this asset for your children and the children in your community is to spend time with them. Read to them, take walks with them, attend their events, show interest in their interests, plan games with them and plan creative activities with them. In any way possible, show them that you think they are important and worth your time and attention.

Other opportunities to show children that you value them come when you encounter them in the community. For instance, if a child or group of children is about to cross a street, stop for them and let them cross in front of you. Be sure to smile at them and wave back if they acknowledge your kindness. If you run into a neighborhood child in a store or in their yard working, take a moment to strike up a conversation and ask about school, sports or other interests they may have. You might also hire children to help around your house or yard, or to walk your dog, or to water plants while you away from home. Showing a child that you trust them also tells them that you value them and their integrity.

Regardless of age, respond whenever a child attempts to communicate with you. Even infants and toddlers feel valued when we show interest and give attention to their verbal expressions. Empathize with children and tune into, not only what they say, but also to what they are feeling. When you sense what they are feeling, reflect those feelings back to them. This lets them know they are really being heard and also teaches them appropriate words to go with their feelings. For example, if a child were to say to you, “Bobby took my toy and won’t give it back!” You might respond by say, “You are upset and frustrated because Bobby took your truck. We all feel a little sad and helpless when we can’t get people to act the way we want them to. Maybe we can talk to Bobby together to see if you can both share.”

Another idea for showing an older child that you value them is to give them control of some part of each day. Discuss and agree on a time during which the child may choose to do what they would like to do. In general, ask children their opinions on various things in life, like a news story or a community issue. If they offer an opinion, look for the merits in their ideas and let them know you value their idea. If their idea isn’t sound in your eyes, don’t discount them. Instead, thank them for their opinion and let them know you will think more about it.

I hope the above ideas help you to be more empowering to children in your life. If you have questions, call or email me.

Parent Involvement in Out-of-Home Situations-Asset 6

Parent Involvement in Out-of-Home Situations

Parents wanting to invest in this asset for their children talk about their child’s needs with caregivers and teachers, and help their children succeed outside their home.

Here are a number of ways you can go about making sure your child is experiencing the benefits of this asset:

• Develop a relationship and keep in touch with your child’s teacher or childcare director. Let them know what you think is important for children in that setting and make suggestions as to what you would like to do to improve the environment for all students there. If possible, coordinate some people to paint a room, fix broken equipments or do other tasks needed.
• Support and participate in the fund-raisers for childcare centers or schools in your community.
• Make a point to meet with your child’s teachers or childcare providers at least twice a year, more if possible. Having a relationship and established rapport and communication with these important people in your child’s life is essential to a responsible parent.
• If you are fluent in more than one language, offer to translate flyers, policy books or other material for parents who don’t speak English. Give language lessons for children and teach them simple conversational phrases.
• Help create or participate in a parent/staff advisory board that meets regularly to discuss successes, needs and challenges in the childcare center. If you child is of school age, attend PTA meetings and become active in PTA issue and concerns.
• Offer to set up or help with field trips for your child’s class. Visits to the local library, fire station, a bakery, the beef jerky company, the recycling center or a local ranch can be fun, educational and inexpensive.
• Make it your responsibility to compliment and support teachers, school administrators or childcare staff for the good things they do and for their caring and compassion for the youth they serve. Also notice and compliment them on new haircuts or their attire. This shows you care about them as people and pay attention to them.
• Ask your school aged children about their homework on a daily basis and follow through to be sure they are completing their work. Offer to help them if they are stuck on an assignment.
• Attend open houses, science fairs, art exhibits, sporting events and other school based community activities. This is a perfect opportunity for fostering your relationship with other parents, teachers and school administrators.
• Ask your employer to support children and education. Discuss the possibility of flexible work schedules so parents can volunteer at school or their childcare center for one or two hours a month if they wish.

If you have any questions or would like more information about this or any other of the developmental assets, call or email me. And remember, the more interest you take in your child’s life away from home, the better the quality of their life will be.

Caring Enviroments Away From Home-Asset 5

Caring Environments Away From Home

An important asset in a child’s life is having the places they spend time in while away from home feel safe, secure and caring. Such environments include head start or pre-school programs, childcare centers, church day care or nurseries, or formal school settings.

One of the best things we can to do ensure that these important environments are caring is to volunteer to help out in the settings where your child spends a good deal of his or her time. That way you can get to know the teachers or caretakers in the setting and see how they interact with your child. Plus you have the opportunity to provide your own style of caring and perhaps even role model it for the other adults. Be sure to compliment staff when you see them making caring gestures and showing sensitivity to the children’s needs. Ask questions when you don’t see signs of caring.

You can also make a point to talk to you child about how they feel at daycare or at school and specifically how they feel about the adults in the setting. You can also ask them whether they feel the adults care for them. Also pay attention to your child’s actions and body language around going to settings away from home. Children who don’t feel cared for may not want to leave home or they may act inappropriately or be moodier than usual. If you find that you child doesn’t feel comfortable in these settings, you can make a point to meet with the teachers or caretakers to discuss your concerns and make requests pertaining to how your child needs to be treated to feel safe and cared for.

If there are real problems that don’t seem to be heard after such meetings, you may need to arrange a meeting with the principal of the school or manager/owner of a childcare center or pre-school. Be prepared to share your observations and feelings about what you have learned about the level of caring provided. Then express what you need to happen to feel comfortable with your child being in the setting. Make specific requests so there is little doubt about what you need and feel your child needs.

It’s also important to take note of the physical environments in which your child is spending time away from home. Notice if there are any hazards in the area or on the playground. Is playground equipment in good repair, are the toys or furniture safe and free of potentially dangerous features? Also notice if the environment is keep clean and sanitary. Unkempt rooms or play areas also give a message of caring to your child and may present risks that should be removed. Take a proactive role in offering to collaborate with teachers or staff in finding ways to improve the environment and make it safer. Most of the time teachers and staff also have your child’s welfare in mind and your additional help is all they need to keep up with repairs or improvements.

As usual, I hope these few ideas will get you started on looking after making this asset more available for your child and in your community. If you have any questions, please give me a call or drop me an email.

Neighbors and Neighborhoods that Care-Asset 4

Neighbors and Neighborhoods that Care

While this may not be the case in a close knit community like Lincoln, in many areas of the country children and families have lost a once treasured fact, namely that the neighbors and the neighborhood felt familiar, secure and safe. This is largely because it was once the custom that people living in close proximity got to know one another and developed friendships and bonds. Neighbors greeted newcomers with apple pies or jars of jam and invited them over for coffee or dinner to make them feel welcome. People felt it was important to become familiar with the people they would be living across the yard or road from. These traditions were good for the best of times and for the worst of times. Neighbors could celebrate each others’ joys and be there for each other in times of need, crisis or challenge.

In this article, I will suggest some ways you can build on this asset in your neighborhood or area of town. The first step in this process is to set your intention to do something to make a difference in your neighborhood. You could meet with the neighbors you already know and discuss doing something to establish neighborhood traditions. Things like a quarterly potluck, neighborhood yard sale, or an annual picnic. We did a neighborhood scavenger hunt and pot luck that was a great experience. We were broken up into teams of four, which included at least two adult and two children from different families. Each team was given photographs of relatively obscure details in the city that we had to locate and photograph ourselves on digital cameras. We had a set amount of time and we all met back at one person’s home to see how each team did and to share the pot luck.
This was an excellent event for getting to know entire families all at once.

Once you have gotten to know a little about your neighbors and their children, you will learn if your children have activities or sports in common. Then you can plan to attend their events together or have after parties to celebrate victories or great performances. You should also learn birthdates and other special occasions for the possibility of celebrating or at least sending cards or giving small gifts to acknowledge these types of milestones.

With your children, you can play “Name That Neighbor” when you walk or drive through your neighborhood. It’s also important as adult neighbors to treat all the children in the neighborhood with respect and courtesy. This will give them a feeling support, security and they will come to trust your integrity. Also, look for opportunities to engage the youth in the neighborhood. Offer to hire them to help with chores like lawn mowing, garden or grass watering, leaf raking, etc. One of my neighbors learned that a young man was a computer wiz, so he hired him to teach him to use his new computer. Over time the young man became a trusted employee in the man’s business as an IT specialist. Be this type of empowering neighbor.

While there are many more way to create caring neighborhoods, hopefully the above ideas will get you exploring many of the others. This is an important asset to build! If you want help, give me a call and I will share more ideas with you.

It Takes a Village to Raise a Child-Asset 3: Other Adult Relationships

It Takes A Village To Raise A Child

Most of us are familiar with the idea that raising a child is a bigger job than two parents can easily do alone. The point of this developmental asset is that parents and their children greatly benefit from the loving support and presence of other caring and available adults.

In today’s mobile world immediate family members are often scattered about the state or country for various reasons, thus changing the strong, valuable and available extended family situation that once existed in most communities. For this reason, this asset can only be made accessible to some families through community awareness and willingness to step up and volunteer to spend time with children so their parents can have time to balance out their lives and attend to their needs that don’t include time with their children. Of course, if extended family members are available and willing to give time and energy to children, this will be of great help to both the parents and the children. Members of the family’s faith community can also help a great deal with providing this asset.

Here are just a few ways other adults can help provide this important asset to a child’s life and to a family:
• Volunteer at a school, preschool, childcare setting, or for a religious education or Sunday school class. Reading books and playing games with children can be the beginning of important relationships for the child and their family.
• When you are a guest at an event at a family’s home, spend time with the children as well as the parents. Show an interest in getting to know the children and what they are excited about. You can build on these connections if the parents ever need your help with their care.
• Attend a child’s sports event, play, concert or other activities. Afterwards, make a point to congratulate the child and the parents and let them know you were there. Invite them all out for a small treat if you like.
• If you learn of an area of interest a child has, foster the interest by contributing to it. For instance, if a child like a particular sports star, send photos, clippings or articles about the star to the child. If the child collects rocks, look for special rocks when you are out in nature to contribute to their collection.
• When traveling, send cards to the family and to the individual children to let them know you were thinking of them and to let them know of discoveries you are making that you think they would enjoy.
• Learn and keep track of a child’s birthday or other special occasion so you can celebrate with them by sending cards or gifts. Do the same with the parents.
• In all cases, let parents know that you want to contribute to their family’s well-being and be available to them and their children whenever the need arises. Let them know that the rewards of helping them go both ways and that it would give you a great sense of meaning and fulfillment to give of yourself in that way. Take the time it takes to build the relationships and trust needed. It will be well worth it for everyone involved!

Any questions or feedback, let me know at 406-443-8571 or email me at wmichael@rmdc.net.

Positive Family Communications-Asset 2

Positive Family Communications

Communication takes place within families all the time, whether through words, gestures, body language, facial expressions or just grunts and giggles. The key to this developmental asset for the well-being of your children is that the communication be positive. Positive communication shows respect, kindness and compassion in the way it gets expressed. Positive communications also means a ready willingness to listen, hear, feel and respond to what your children are communicating to you. Positive communications should start from infancy and continue all the way into adulthood within the family. Parents, be aware also that you are teaching and reinforcing these skills through the way you model positive communications in your relationships with your spouse, friends, neighbors and extended family members.

For all children it is important that you look at them when you are speaking to them. Eye contact alone communicates caring. When your child is upset, be sympathetic and empathetic. Ask them to tell you what’s wrong. Tune into his or her feelings and reflect back to them what you feel. For instance, if your child is tearful, you might say, “You seem to be sad. Do you want to tell me about it?” By empathizing and labeling the emotion you feel, you are also teaching your child feeling words to go with their emotional experience. If they are able to tell you what is wrong, do what you can to follow through and help them solve their problem. Perhaps all they need is some support and encouragement. This can be done in words or through a hug or pat on the back.

Positive communication is also important when things are going well. If your child has done something well at home or at school, be sure to let show them and tell them how proud you are of them and say complimentary things to them, such as, “You are brilliant. You did that really well. I am so proud of you. That was a great effort. You learn more each day. You are going to go place in life!”

In general, look for opportunities to do fun things with your child. Play with them and make them laugh. Having fun with your child shows them that you enjoy their company and like to be with them. Think about what a powerful message that is! Also, look for opportunities to engage your son or daughter in conversation. Dinner time is a traditional time for conversation with kids of all ages. Bed time is good for younger children. Make it a bedtime ritual to ask you child what they liked best about the day or what they would like to dream about that night. You can also ask if they have any questions they’d like to ask you. Generally, make a point to communicate to your children that they can ask any question and that you will do you best to answer them or find an answer for them. Whatever you do, keep the doors to communication open and focus on keeping it positive.

Family Support-Asset 1-Part 2

More Ways for to Offer Family Support

Last week I discussed the very important developmental asset of offering your children a sense of family support. This week I want to share five fun ideas that can expand upon and enhance what you already are doing to offer loving support.
1. Create a family tree together: Gather information about as many family members as you can going back as far back in time as possible, and then arrange this information on a chart to create the classic “Family Tree.” Interview family members both far and near by making phone calls, sending letters with a list of questions, emailing them, use facebook.com or talk to them in person. Get dates and details of their lives and all the family members they know about. If you want to delve deeper into this process, you can check the Genealogy section of your public library or go on the Internet and consult with websites dedicated to helping discover and create family trees or genealogies. You could also search town, city, and state historical societies; and/or visit or contact the nearest branch of the Mormon Church’s genealogy library, either on the Internet or by writing to: Branch Genealogical Libraries, The Genealogical Society, 50 East North Temple Street, Salt Lake City, UT 84150. You don’t need to be Mormon to use these resources. Also, you can search public records. To find out how, write to: Consumer Information, Center-2, PO Box 100, Pueblo, CO 81002. Request the pamphlet titled “Where to Write for Vital Records.”
2. Create a family history scrapbook: Scrapbooks are very popular these days and materials are available on the Internet and at many crafts stores. Fill your family history scrapbook with photos and other memorabilia-like report cards, birth announcements, news articles about family accomplishments or milestone events, post cards from trips you have taken together or individually. The possibilities are endless. Include something from or about each family member. Save things along the way and update the scrapbook together every few months. Make an event of it.
3. Make a family timeline: Paste or tape a string of pages together upon which you can record all the important events and dates in your family’s life. Events like birthdates, marriages, graduations, new jobs, retirements, and any changes your family feels noteworthy can be strung out along the timeline. Add pages as time passes and new events and milestones occur.
4. Make a family time capsule: Find a container (a special box, ceramic pot with a tip, a large jar) and decorate it together. On a special day, create an event around placing in the container (the time capsule) information about your family; messages from each person; goals, dreams, wishes of each person; that day’s newspaper, current photos, etc. Then store the time capsule in a safe place and make a plan to open it in a set number of years, perhaps at a reunion party.
5. Start a new family tradition: One idea might be to make the above activities a monthly or yearly event that includes everyone. Other ideas might be to plant the family garden together each year, or to create an annual celebration of family unity; have a monthly movie party where everyone watches someone’s selection for the month. Use your imagination to create fun events to look forward to!

Family Support-Asset 1-Part 1

Asset 1:

Family Life Provides High Levels of Love and Support

One of the most important of the developmental assets is family support. Children need love, comfort, encouragement and support from their families. This in turn requires that parents are consistent and positive when responding to their children’s needs. Often the community can help ensure that all children get family support by being available to help support the parents and the children in a family. Communities (and each person in the community) can do this by learning the names of children, greeting them by name and saying hello; by smiling at children and their parents to show support; and by getting close to children when spending time with them. You do this by squatting, kneeling or sitting on the floor with younger children and by maintaining eye contact and asking friendly questions of older children to show your interest in and concern for them.

The community can also support parents by showing interest and excitement when a child is born. Giving gifts and sending cards to celebrate is very important. Offering to hold and/or feed an infant and talk to them while giving the parent a brief break is a great gesture. Also, offering to run errands or baby sitting can demonstrate the kind of kindness and support a family needs.

Some things parents can do to express support for your children is to freely offer praise and acknowledgment when your child learns new skills or behaves kindly or follows family rules and guidelines. Also, your child’s excitement about things they find interesting or funny or run. Play games with them and generally join them in the things they like to do. Let them teach you things you don’t know how to do or games you’ve never played before. Be flexible and willing to join in with their imaginary games and pastimes. This gives the message that you respect and support their imagination, a tool that is extremely important to their success and creativity later in life. Also, be on the look out for activities and interests that you can introduce your child to. This expands their possibilities and lets them know and experience new and different things. This too is good training for future expansion of their horizons.

For all children, through adolescence, try to arrange times when the family is all together, whether it is the dinner meal, a weekly movie, a family outing or church activities. Express your love frequently and in different ways. Hugs and pats on the back, saying “I love you”, giving unconditional gifts, offering quality time to each child are all ways to express love and support. Also, it is important to teach and support your child in knowing he or she can ask for what they need; and that you will respect the request and try to honor it if it is reasonable and possible. Showing an effort and even a struggle to deal with the request is often more important than making it come true.

There is more that can be said about this developmental asset and I plan to do so in a future article. As usual, if you have any questions about this asset or any others, please contact me at 406-442-1374 or email me at wmichael@rmdc.net.

An Ounce of Prevention


An Ounce of Prevention
A Column by Will Michael
Prevention Specialist for
Lewis & Clark County

Assets that Benefit Everyone

Howdy folks!  My name is Will Michael and I am the prevention specialist for Lewis & Clark County.  In this column I plan to share with you what I know about the kind of assets that benefit not only the holder of these assets but the entire community in which that person lives. 

The kind of assets I’m talking about here are called Developmental Asset, which are basically positive experiences and qualities that each of us can bring into the lives of children.   Search Institute out of Minnesota has identified 40 Developmental Assets which clearly benefit the lives of young people and the entire community in which they live.  From the point of view of prevention of high risk behaviors (drugs, alcohol, tobacco, sex, aggression) that threaten the health and well-being of our youngsters, the research shows that the more of these 40 assets that exist for a young person the fewer high risk behaviors occur. 

The key here is that providing these types of assets takes a community, or as they say, “takes a village.”  In years past many of these assets were naturally present and didn’t need to be pointed out.  They were simply part of our small town America value system.  For example, it used to be common place for neighbors to look after and feel a sense of responsibility for each others’ children, pets and/or property.  Nowadays, with technology being what it is, we can be focused on a machine (TV, computer, video games, etc.) first thing in the morning, get into our cars in the garage, open the door with an electronic opener, drive to work or school, sit at another machine all day and then return home insulated in the car, enter the garage with the door opener and go back to another machine for the rest of the evening.  While this may seem exaggerated and isn’t likely happening in Lincoln so much yet, it is happening more and more in many people’s lives.  The point is that we can come and go day by day and never get to know or to interact with our neighbors or our neighbor’s children.  Search Institute points out that this is a serious trend and it represents an important loss of more than one of the important assets for the entire community.  These assets are:  Community Values Youth.  Caring Neighborhoods.  Neighborhood Boundaries. Safety.

So what I’d like to do in this column in future editions is to point out and explain each of these 40 assets and also offer ways the entire community can help ensure that these assets are available for the benefit of everyone.  If you can’t wait to learn week to week about the assets, contact me and I will be glad to send you the entire list:  wmichael@rmdc.net or 406-461-9240.  See you next time.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Empowering Assets

"Empowering Assets is a blog I have created to share articles I am writing on the 40 Developmental Assets identified by Search Institute, Inc. as conditions whose presence is counteractive to high risk behaviors in youth. The articles are being written as part of my work as a Prevention Specialist for Lewis and Clark County in the great state of Montana. The primary resource for the information in the articles is "What Children Need to Succeed" by Jolene L. Roehlkepartain and Nancy Leffert, PhD. It is my hope that other Prevention Specialists in Montana or any other state feel free to pass these articles on as written, modified or just get inspiration and ideas from these articles. Feel free to copy and paste and submit any of these articles in your local newspapers, school newsletters, church bulletins or any where else you feel will do some good. If you wish to contact me, email me at wmichael@rmdc.net or call 406-441-3970."

In the spirit of Empowering Assets, remember to take a second to make a difference with youth!

Sincerely,

Will Michael