Positive Peer Interaction and Influence-Asset 15

Positive Peer Interaction and Influence

This developmental asset is available when children spent time observing and playing with children of varying ages. As children grow, they spend time with friends who act in responsible ways and are a positive influence on them.

Parents and adults who invest in this asset for the children in their lives pay attention to how the people in the child’s life interact and behave. They are conscious of what children are exposed to in terms of the choices, behaviors and attitudes of the people in their environment, both adults and other children. These parents, in a sense, are asking themselves, “What are the children learning from interacting with these people?”

Parents also take a proactive approach to finding ways for children of all ages to be together and have fun. They do what they can to facilitate interactions like a teenager holding and rocking a baby, or an older child might be given the opportunity to play a game with or read to younger children.

With infants, it is important that they are allowed to be around other infants even though they are not able to play together. Toddlers often want to play alone, even when they are around other children. Parents should allow them to do so but to also be near other toddlers so the process of learning to interact can take place under the watchful eyes of adult caretakers who can teach and correct behavior in a gently manner.

With preschool children, it is very helpful for adults to find playtime projects and activities that teach them how to cooperate. When differences arise, adults can step in and use that situation as an opportunity to teach appropriate behaviors. Parents are cautioned not to panic if their preschooler says things like, “I hate you” or “You’re not my friend anymore” to a playmate. It is part of the child learning to express their feelings and the fact is they often make up quickly and easily from such episodes.

With children of elementary-age and older, parents should give them greater and greater independence around interacting with peers but check on them enough to make sure they are safe. If children argue or disagree with one another, give them time and space to find their own solutions. Step in and help only if you are concerned with the children’s safety. Talk to children after they play with friends, talk to them and ask how they liked their time together, what they liked best, what they didn’t like. Use this as an opportunity to discuss and teach them about friendship and ways to communicate. Find out what they are learning and experiencing in terms of the rules and values their peers seem to hold and believe in. Talk to them about problems and how to deal with them, particularly about problems like bullying and peers that want to engage in risky or inappropriate behaviors. Be sure to let them know that you support their relationships with other children that show respect and value for them as people.

If you have any questions or would like more information about this or any of the assets covered in this column, please call or email me. Remember, accentuate the positive!