Family Values Honesty-Asset 29

Family Values Honesty

This week I continue with another of the assets that contribute to positive values for your child or children. Investment in this asset calls upon parents and other adults to model honest and to teach children the difference between lying and telling the truth. As your children grow up they will learn the wisdom of valuing honesty and strive to always tell the truth.

Honesty, like other values, takes time for children to grasp. Moral intelligence is said to be possible after the age of 7 or 8 years. Prior to that, a child’s mind is still rich in fantasy and imagination which dictates their view of reality to such an extent that adults may think the child is lying when they really aren’t. The child may simply be fantasizing and not truly dealing with the same reality as the adult. However, the key from infancy on is for children to live with and learn from honest adults. Children do observe and take note of “congruence’ in others. Congruence basically means when a person’s word matches their behavior and actions. When they there is a lot of incongruence in a child’s world, they grow up confused and frustrated. When there is consistent congruence, they grow up feeling greater trust, clarity, certainty and honesty about their world.

Some specific things you can do to further your child’s understanding of honesty include:

• Sow the seeds of honesty around small children by making sure the people they interact with are honest with themselves and others. When you are with small children be honest. For example, when someone is late for a play date, talk about it in front of the child. Be direct, assertive and polite. Say something like, “We’re glad to see you. We were expecting you at three o’clock.”
• When possible, admit to your child that you have been dishonest and the reason for doing so. For instance, say, “I am sorry I told you the cookies were all gone when they aren’t. I just think it would be better if you had a healthy snack, like an apple instead of a cookie.” This is good modeling for times your child might tell you something untrue.
• Talk with youngsters about the difference between lying and telling the truth. The role-play situations where they can choose to be truthful or not. Say, “Imagine that you broke your father’s favorite CD. I’ll pretend to be your father and ask you what happened.” Talk about what happens after someone tells the truth….or a lie.
• If your child is old enough to know the difference and they lie, stay calm and talk to them about betters ways they could have acted. Ask them how they could have handled it differently. Make it clear that it isn’t acceptable to lie. Let them know that part of being honest is facing what they’ve done wrong and that it is okay to make a mistake and to apologize for it but it is not okay to lie about it.

I hope these few ideas help you to start or continue building this important asset into your child’s life and the life of your community. Any questions? Call or email me.